Author: Jan-Ives Campbell

I'm a writer. I have published novels, graphic novels, and children's novel. Check me out on Amazon.

Interview with Imaginings Magazine *not a real magazine

IMAGININGS MAGAZINE

IM: Dragonslayers, Inc.: 0th Level is your tenth publication, and also a fantasy novel with a throwback feel. You’ve written in the fantasy genre before; how is this one different?

Campbell: I’ve written superhero fantasy before, but Dragonslayers is classic fantasy, LitRPG, to be precise.

IM: Okay, hit me with the elevator pitch.

Campbell: What floor?

IM: We don’t need to method act the interview…

Campbell: What. Floor?

IM: Um, okay, third.

Campbell: (presses twenty) Dragonslayers, Inc.: 0th Level- A Twenty-Sided Adventure is Dungeons & Dragons, specifically the cartoon from the ’80s, meets The Hunger Games with a little Hitchhiker’s Guide thrown in for humorous flavor.

IM: I like all those things. Hit me.

Campbell: In the fantasy world of Seventhia, wars are forbidden; instead, heroes from each of the nations compete in Quests ordained by the Gods. Avery is a young man (15) from Earth who wakes up in Seventhia only to find out that this world is all too similar to a game he played with his friends and father for years.

IM: I see the LitRPG angle in there. Are you a gamer? What games influenced this book?

Campbell: The world and many of the jokes come from playing Basic Dungeons and Dragons as a kid, and Old School Essentials (a modern reproduction) recently. I think people who’ve loved or hated those games will get more from the story, but being in on the Easter eggs is not essential to the enjoyment.

IM: So, Avery, the main character, enters the Quests?

Campbell: Without a second thought! He starts as a level zero hero. Dang! I should have named the book that!

IM: Is it too late?

Campbell: Kinda. Live and learn.

IM: What are some gaming tropes that you address/make fun of?

Campbell: I put a spin on a couple of classic races from fantasy lit; Hobereau and Umbrox are inspired by Halflings (Hobbits) and Dwarves, but with some high fantasy distinctions. Hobereau are short people with normal-sized feet who have been typecast as thieves, but Bronn, one of the main characters, is actually quite aggressive and more than a little jacked! Umbrox are stout and spend a lot of time underground, but they are actually made of living stone. I started with the names of their races: “Halfling” and “Dwarf” are quite derogatory and suggest being “lesser” than humans, who are called “Mortals.”

IM: How are Mortals different than humans?

Campbell: They always avoid spoilers.

IM: -Ahem-. Noted. What other races are there?

Campbell: My own versions of elves and /or orcs are there, plus a couple of new ones, but I don’t want to spoil the discovery for the reader.

IM: What was your favorite D&D character class?

Campbell: In theory, a Magic User was always going to be the most fun, but only if you survived the first five levels. I would go with an Elf because they could fight almost as well as a fighter and cast spells like a magic-user. Get yourself plate mail armor and a sword, and cast magic missile or read magic once in a while, and you’ve got yourself a playable character.   

IM: I see we’ve reached my floor (After going to 20 then back down to 3). Before I leave, who will enjoy this book?

Campbell: Anyone with high school reading skills, good taste, and an extra 2.99.

IM: …

Campbell: Just kidding! If you’ve read more than a few fantasy novels and/or played Dungeons and Dragons, and you enjoy some good-natured, sometimes PG-13 humor, Dragonslayers Inc.: 0th Level-A Twenty-Sided Adventure is for you!

IM: Wait, why is it called Dragonslayers Inc. if they’re 0th level?

Campbell: *mumbles* damn it, I forgot to explain that.

IM: I know, “Read the book and find out!”

Campbell: You said it!

Dragonslayers Inc. is available for preorder now! Preorders are only $2.99!

!https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FRZQYJ3L?ref_=pe_93986420_775043100&dplnkId=a7ebd8c3-35a0-4d8c-80c8-ef63391cc96b&nodl=1&fbclid=IwY2xjawNA7gZleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETFNN2ZzSERMdjllM1NFVmo3AR497vls96TtYpyU61dMpRr3cIjK4XF9qcv49P0u09xDGaJiTnjqzXgySmiyew_aem_dlKpzprr2Pa6tpydB1RtmA

Y: The Last Man

No Spoiler Review. I’m also curious to see if people follow me because they like what I write or in hopes of generating followers. Like this if you genuinely like it, but I won’t be following you. I’m sure you’re great, but….

Y: The Last Man is the story of Yorick and his monkey Ampersand, the last surviving males of a mysterious apocalypse. The unknown ailment destroys every male on Earth of every species of animal, plant, and fish, including stored sperm.

Crazy right?

You can imagine the problems facing young Yorick and his capuchin friend as he tries to make it from the United States to his girlfriend in Australia. On his epic journey reminiscent of the Odyssey, the last man on Earth faces one-breasted Amazons, the Israeli military, the remnants of a secret US military organization, a ninja, and a variety of romantic temptations.

I enjoyed the series and learned a thing or two along the way—( I ordered a book on morphic resonance while reading Volume 5. IYKYK.) The interior art told the story without unnecessary splash pages, and the comic covers were dynamic. I was relieved that the pencilers stayed on through the whole run, which is a testament to the project. Another notable feature is that the story concludes in 60 issues (or 9 trades or 6 hardcover editions) which is Seinfeldian in an industry that sometimes stays long past its welcome. I could see the world being revisited in novel form. There is a ten-episode single season of the show available online, that I haven’t seen yet, but I have to assume it did not come to a satisfying conclusion like the comic series.

In a medium dominated by superheroes, Y: The Last Man asks the question, “What would happen if all the men suddenly died?” and spends time delving into the answer. I think a novel series would be an excellent expansion to the universe, I am eager to see the show and expect to be disappointed by a single season with no conclusion. 

If the premise sounds intriguing to you, check out Y: The Last Man (the graphic novel). I think you’ll like it.

Y: The Last Man is written and created by Brian K. Vaughan with art by Pia Guerra, Paul Chadwick, Jose Marzan Jr., and Goran Sudzuka. It is published by Vertigo, an imprint of DC Comics.

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 The American Dream/Nightmare: My Experience Buying a Home

My mother understood that owning your own home is the key to true freedom. Shortly after I graduated from High School, she bought a small home and lived there for the rest of her life. To say that it was “humble” would be kind, but many of her children and grandchildren would spend time there until they could afford something else or until she kindly but firmly asked them to move on. It was a tiny three-bedroom home with a small yard in the heart of the city, but it was hers. She flirted with selling it over the years but she never did. As long as she made the payments no one could take it away. I think she also understood that it was the best thing she could pass on to her children. When she passed last year, the house was paid for and it provided a little bit of money for her seven children, more than any of us would have guessed.

At age 51, I am on the verge of buying a home with my wife and it has been a challenge to say the least. We live in Colchester, Vermont, a town in the most urban county of the small state. Burlington and the surrounding area, of which Colchester is part, have the highest home prices. My wife and I don’t make as much money as some, but we did have some savings to put toward a down payment, even with that money, the monthly payment of even a small home or a condo would be 25% more than we were paying for rent. We’ve lived in one half of a duplex for five years and the money we pay every month is about 25% less than the landlords could be getting. But we’re good tenants and we put up with certain “allowances” so the symbiotic relationship has been mutually beneficial. 

That is until we had a tiff with our neighbor. Our neighbor is the property owner’s grandson and the property managers’ son and nephew respectively. Our neighbor (the grandson) objected to some lights we had up in the common area and took them down without discussing the matter with us first. To the managers’ credit, they didn’t get involved and took a relatively neutral stance on the issue, but rather than renew our yearly lease, they rewrote it to make it month-to-month. A perfectly legal move, but it said to us, “If you cause any problems, you’re out in 60 days.”

My wife and I debated our next move. “Now is not a good time to buy,” she said. I agreed, but I said, “It’s never a good time to buy.” When interest rates are down, people are looking and available properties get snapped up as soon as their listed. When interest rates are high, sellers hold back until they can get more for their homes thus making the supply limited. Keep in mind that in our area, (and in lots of places in the U.S.) supply is much less than demand. Even in the pandemic, properties were going sight unseen as people looked to relocate and work remotely. 

So we started looking, just to see what was out there, but we didn’t sign the new lease that our landlords presented us. Without a lease, we were still month to month but we didn’t want to agree to their new terms, whatever they might be. We considered commuting up to an hour to work, so we looked to the north and south of our current locale. We considered relocating and looked in the north and south of New York. Side note: properties in New York State seem more affordable. A $250,000 home would go for 350-400 in Chittenden County, Vermont, and after talking to people in the know- it comes down to supply and demand. There is less supply and as much or more demand here in Vermont, so prices are higher here.   

Back to the story; 

We were in trouble! Our previous rental ended when the landlord evicted us (a legal, but dickish move) to let their son and his family move in, so we were gun-shy about being forcibly relocated. With no legal standing, our landlord could sell the property or evict us if we had another issue with their relative/our neighbor, or if the price was right. We wanted the security of homeownership but was it worth the price?

Owning and renting both come with their perks and plugs. Renting is great when stuff breaks. Fridge dies? Fuck you, fix it. Pipes burst? Fuck you, fix it. Lawn needs mowing? Fuck you, mow it! But when you own, all those costs are yours. If you need or want to upgrade, or downgrade, or move out of state, all you have to do is wait for your lease to expire and you’re free like a tree! But when you own, you have to sell your house at the same time you find a new one to buy. 

Back to our story- we found a place! A house that was as beautiful on the website as it was in person, which is a whole other story Some places don’t show you all the little problem areas, why? I don’t know. It seems like that wastes everyone’s time like a dating profile that doesn’t show your hunchback. It’s gonna come up; why not get it out in the open? But I digress.

The house we passed on because it was at the high end of our affordability and also at the outer edge of our physical range was still on the market. But we would both have to commute 45 minutes to an hour and that was going to reduce our quality of life. Plus, the house had no property to speak of, and very limited parking, and was on the edge of a cliff. But, it was the street my wife grew up on (nostalgia points) and in a very desirable city that mixed city benefits with livability (lifestyle points). 

At the eureka moment, we were on an excursion to Plattsburgh, New York across the lake, and staying at a bed and breakfast to get a feel for the area. “Why were prices so much lower?” we wondered. The area was nice but after we saw everything we needed to see, including some nice properties, I asked my wife, “Is this worth it? Is it worth moving our lives, looking for new jobs, leaving our friends and family to save money? Would we be happier here than in that house we loved? Even if we paid an extra 100k?”

The answer was “probably not.” There were too many barriers to entry (to borrow a Microeconomics term) moving to New York. Things that could go wrong that would derail our lives. So, we went back and revisited that home we loved and amazingly it was still available. We had it professionally inspected top to bottom and the only thing wrong with it was its lack of land and parking. My wife wondered if those should be deal breakers for us, but I said, “Those problems are the reasons this place is still available!” We made an offer, lower than they wanted but the sellers had to be realistic. In the Ven diagram of people looking for homes in that town, who wanted to live on a cliff, didn’t want a yard, and only had two cars—we were the only ones left in the center. 

Take it or wait for the next pandemic.

They took it! We move in a few weeks. My mother would have been happy. Not really but that’s another story.

Stay tuned for more rants about my thoughts on the home-buying and renting experience. Including-

-Mortgages- Why Does Everyone Have to Wet Their Beaks?!

-My Plan to Make the American Dream Available to Everyone 🙂

-Why do ALL Landlords suck?

-If you’re buying, you need your own agent!

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TOBY GOES HOME

It’s been years in the making, but Toby Goes Home: An Anxious Greyhound Searches for His Forever Home is almost ready for the world to see.

https://a.co/d/byl8ILb

Sometimes links don’t work, so send me a message if you need a different link. Also, if you want to preorder an autographed copy, message me and we’ll work out the details of shipping and payment.

I sometimes called him Toby Doo because he was so shy, but in truth he was incredibly brave. After his racing career was finished at the ripe old age of 2, Toby went to stay at Northern Greyhound Adoptions in Vermont. He had a hard time finding a forever home due to his destructive behavior fueled by separation anxiety. I met him as a volunteer at NGA, and the rest of the story is detailed in the picture book. Some might call it a Children’s Book, but I think it’s perfect for all ages.

I’m donating all the profits to charities that support greyhound health and adoption services. Each month I will choose a different 401-c3 and send them a check once the vendors pay me. I won’t keep a cent, not even to recoup the expenses of production.

Telling Toby’s story has been a passion project for me. I wanted to pay tribute to my best friend and his journey from racetrack to my couch, while supporting the care and rehoming of a fantastic breed. Greyhound racing is dwindling worldwide and as tracks close, racing dogs need experts to help them transition to loving homes.

You can pre-order the e-book now on Amazon. Both the digital book and the physical book will be released on the 15th of June. I know some people prefer a copy they can hold and some might want an autographed copy, but please don’t discount the e-book (perhaps in addition to the physical copy). Sales go to the algorithm and that tells Amazon to show the book more and that equals more views and more sales, so your purchase helps me help the greyhounds.

The first thirty days of sales will benefit Northern Greyhound Adoptions, Toby’s alma mater. http://www.northerngreyhoundadoptions.org

Message me to nominate a greyhound group to receive the next month’s proceeds.

I thank you. Toby thanks you.

Jan-Ives Campbell

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Writer’s Commentary- #1

To Work for Free or Not for Free. That’s the Question!

“If you’re good at something, never do it for free.”  -The Joker

I have worked with many artists during my years of self-publishing. The list includes pencilers, inkers, letterers, voice actors, digital artists, and other writers. I also belong to a group of local comic artists of all skill levels, and The Joker’s above sentiment is oft expressed by comic artists. In the field of indie comics, many creators feel they have the next Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Crow, or The Tick that will sweep the industry by storm, but the creator (writer, publisher, or writer-publisher) lacks the start-up capital to offer a page-rate to artists, and instead, they will offer “a percentage of profits” because they believe their product will rake in the cash and the artists will benefit more than a page-rate ever could. But any artist who has been around knows that it is unlikely the comic will make a dime, leaving them having wasted their time and talent.

After I published my book Twenty-One Octobers, I set to make it into an audiobook, primarily so my aging mother could enjoy it since even large-print books are hard for her to read. Taking to heart the mantra that you get what you pay for, I began to search for a voice actor worthy of the task with a budget in mind. ACX (a division of Audible, a division of Amazon) provides digital services that include complication and distribution of an audiobook, and they also help to coordinate voice actors and publishers for either a split of profits or a straight rate per hour of finished audio. I hired an actor, and after a few months, we had a product I was sure would help recoup my investment. 

It didn’t.

I’m not going to discuss why it hasn’t made any money, but I know it’s not because the writing or the voice actor is sub-par. People haven’t found it yet, and that’s okay. I imagined audiobooks being the new California Gold Rush or bitcoin in 2009, and maybe it is, but it wasn’t for me.

“A rising tide lifts all boats.”

I have four other books with audiobook potential, but I didn’t want to risk the cash up front, knowing that they probably won’t make money. The marketing technique I gleaned from the Facebook group 20BooksTo50K is that when you have twenty books (or book-like products) online, you’ll start to crack Amazon’s algorithms and show up prominently in searches, thus making you 50,000 dollars in annual revenue. Obviously, this is not guaranteed or scientific, but people smarter than I say the theory is sound. So, I listed the four books, three a modern fantasy series, Champions of the Maelstrom, Vengeance of the Maelstrom, and Avatars of the Maelstrom, as well as sVck, an erotic comedic vampire novel I wrote with my partner under pen names. I put these books up for profit split, with the clear understanding that these books were unlikely to make a dime. When two talented voice actors enlisted, I repeated my statement that they were likely to get a 50% cut of zero dollars, and they were undeterred. 

Though both actors wanted the entire series, I split the difference, giving one book to each with the intention of uniting them for the final book. I have been told that audiobook listeners prefer the same narrator for an entire series, however, since I had two talented professionals who wanted the gig, I opted to share the (lack of) wealth. The final book is narrated by the primary character of each chapter, giving an immersive first-person perspective that allows for a richer storytelling experience. (More on this later) My plan was to give the male parts to the male actor and the female parts to the female actor.

The other reason I split the duties was a result of my experience with other artists. People, through no fault of their own, sometimes people get sick, or overwhelmed with other projects, or day jobs, or family issues, or health concerns. And sometimes, they just flake out. By dividing the responsibilities, I could have three books done in half the time while minimizing the risk of an unplanned derailment of the whole project. 

Derailment number one: Health issues with actor number one slowed down the book. Then, voice actor number two starts landing other paying projects and is booked for the next couple years, but as they are a professional, they agree to do the agreed-upon half of book 3. However, the ACX contract system does not allow for the splitting of profits among two or more actors, thus throwing a monkey wrench into my whole plan. I should have done more research before making the deals, but everything worked out. I let VA2 out of the contract (they wanted to leave, too), and VA1 agreed to read book 3. Crisis averted.

Today, we’re on the verge of releasing Champions of the Maelstrom (book 1 of the Tragic Heroes Trilogy) after already releasing Vengeance of the Maelstrom (book 2). 

I know, right?! 

This brings me to my earlier thesis: If you’re good at something, never do it for free. Remember? It was only a few paragraphs ago.

We do stuff we’re good at for free all the time. I have written for free, and I would do so again if the cause and/or market were right. If Marvel Comics asked a beginning artist to draw for free, most would leap at the chance! Many starting actors take small roles to gain experience and acting credentials. I often have sex for free. The list goes on. My point is, “Know your value, but ice your nips.” Meaning—always be working. Not everything is a stepping stone, but every step is closer to somewhere else. What does that mean? I don’t know. 

I wrote this for free.   

What do you think? Have you ever worked for free and regretted it? Or did you receive experience and “exposure” you found to be rewarding? Let me know.

Check out my publications on Amazon or wherever you buy your books.

The League of Super Groovy Crimefighters

Crusader Faith

Twenty-One Octobers: Inspired by a True Story

Champions of the Maelstrom

Vengeance of the Maelstrom

Avatars of the Maelstrom

sVck (Seaward Dracula & D. Stroker)

A day like no other

I have no memory of the most profound moment of my life.

It was September 20, 1997. I had worked a full day selling cologne at the department store called Filene’s. After work, I met up with my best friend and roommate for a movie. Titanic was the number one movie at the box office, but we were there for L.A. Confidential, a more bro-friendly experience. The movie was sold out, so we went to Wal-Mart to look for Star Wars action figures instead.

Gimme a break. We were twenty-five. 

Our hunt was unsuccessful, so we drove across the street to McDonald’s for a late bite. We never made it.

A driver of an SUV ran a red light and t-boned our tiny Hyundai. He was supposedly searching for the song My Heart Will Go On (from Titanic) on the radio and didn’t see the stop signal, which is a much better excuse for a jury than “I was on the phone.”

Jump ahead almost twenty-five years. Spoiler alert—I lived. The three-ton vehicle, traveling at 40 miles an hour almost killed me. The road to recovery was a complicated and rocky one, and I have no memory of anything from that day, while my other memories are otherwise intact. Today, I’m watching Kurt Vonnegut: Unstuck in Time, a documentary of my favorite author. Vonnegut was a prisoner of war in World War II and survived the complete destruction of the city of Dresden, bombed by Allied forces. In the documentary, one of Vonnegut’s daughters said that he didn’t show his feelings about being the only survivor of such a horrific attack but he had to have been deeply affected by it. Of course, he felt it. Slaughterhouse-Five was his most popular book and only came about when he delved into his thoughts and feelings of that monumental event. Reflections that he worked for years to get just right on the paper.

While our experiences are different, I have worked hard to avoid tackling my own “Dresden Book” as Vonnegut had described Slaughterhouse-Five before he wrote it. There is therapy in exploring trauma, and writing is an indirect connection to others who are suffering. 

I lost a lot that day. Friends. Family. Teeth. An eye.

But I gained something, too. Perspective.

So it goes.

Confessions-Don’t let the bastards grind you down

We all know that people criticize more than they give praise. This is evidenced nowhere more than on the internet.

I had a bout of Covid, and while my wife and I are okay, it knocked us for a loop. Even though it’s passed, we’re still a little off. I managed to make some progress in my writing career, even if I didn’t do much actual writing. My goal is to get some attention for my superhero trilogy Tragic Heroes (Champions, Vengeance, and Avatars of the Maelstrom). I had recently taken them out of Amazon’s Kindle Unlimited program, and they were ready to be listed elsewhere. At Barnes and Noble, I listed them as FREE, 1.99, and 4.99, respectively. They are 4.99 each on Amazon, so I requested a price match, which they obliged. Amazon won’t let a seller list an e-book as permanently free, but they will price match.

Now, I took out an ad on Facebook to promote the free book. I targeted 20 to 50-year-old males interested in superhero comics and movies. I spent 30 dollars, and it was shown to thousands of people, with several hundred “likes” and about 30 “sales.” Was it worth it? I don’t know. Thirty bucks to give away 30 books seems like a loss, but it might be okay if a few people read and leave reviews or buy the next in the series.

The comments hit me hard. The ad asked, “do you love superhero comics and movies?” The first comment was, “Yup.” Hmmm. Not that helpful, but it was okay. The following comment was, “What’s next, Buffet of the Maelstrom?” I didn’t get the joke, but I gave it a laughing emoji. Then a man left two different pooping dog GIFs. Two separate ones. He left one and then found a better one? Someone left a cartoon of Trump looking in a mirror and seeing a superhero version of himself, complete with rippling muscles and a waving cape. I didn’t understand what the commenter was trying to say here, so I responded with some “???” 

I felt hurt. Were the covers of my books indeed a pooping dog? Are the fans of the genre so wrapped up in the status quo that anyone else’s story is worthless? I haven’t had a lot of “success,” but I feel the books are good, with great covers and good writing. And it has something to say.

Maybe that was what some of the trolls were objecting to.

I didn’t want to get preachy, so I kept some of the themes of fantasy fiction, but I also imagined what someone with the literal power to change the world might do. I created Shiva, a girl who knew only the cruel hand of her captor. She knows nothing of the world at large, but she imagines one in which everyone is equal. When she develops a genius-level intellect overnight, she sets to change the world, but first, she has to conquer it. 

When I started imagining the story of Champions of the Maelstrom, I wanted to do “realistic” superheroes. What does that mean? In the comics and the movies, the heroes have little effect on the real world. I mean, they save it but mostly they fight each other and also bad guys, but no one works on injustices that can’t be solved with punching.

I saw a lack of genius-level female super characters in the existing world of comic books and their associated media. Male characters with amazing intellects like Mr. Fantastic, Lex Luthor, Batman, and Tony Stark are prominent figures, but I can’t think of any female heroes or villains as smart. 

I invented Shiva, who wakes up one day with the intellectual capacity to change the world overnight. She intends to take control of the world and force change. This is the conflict of Book One. 

Back to the negative reactions to my advertisement.

My page (https://www.facebook.com/TragicHeroesTrilogy) shows other images and quotes from the book, and I suspect those were the cause of the outrage. The first response I got was, “Seems like woke garbage!” and that was the clue to whom I had upset. Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems I poked a nerve with males who saw the politics in my writing.

I wrote a book featuring a new take on superheroes, and I guess that is political. The storyline is good vs. evil with superpowers, but it’s also “With great power comes great responsibility—on steroids!” My antagonist drives the story, and unlike Batman and Spider-Man, who use their advantages to maintain the status quo, my character seeks to change the world. 

And that scares people. 

My point is that sometimes people will hate what you write, not for the writing but for what is says. And that’s a good thing. 

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Confessions of a Failed Writer 5/6/22

CONFESSIONS….

Going Wide

I’ve been exclusive with Amazon since I published my first novel a few years ago. There are benefits to choosing Amazon as your only distributor, namely the ability to be part of their Kindle Unlimited (KU) program. KU allows subscribers to read any KU book for no additional charge! Writers are paid per page read. It’s a great deal for readers who are afraid to pay for an entire book that they might not like. It’s also an opportunity for publishers/authors to offer books to those timid customers. It works out to about one cent per three pages read, so the goal here is appealing to the mass market.

Amazon has a bunch of programs only available to an author who is enrolled in KU. One could interpret this from the opposite angle and say they have restrictions on those who don’t bend the knee. KU is a great program for many authors, but for me, I spent a lot of time and money to figure out that I wasn’t one of those authors.

Now, I’m “going wide” which is to say making my books available to a variety of platforms including one traditional brick and mortar retailer. One (potential) benefit to going wide is price control. Amazon has price minimums based on page length and file size, so I had to charge 4.99 each for my fantasy series, which might be a high buy-in for a skittish new reader. However, other retailers let you select your own price, damn the file size! In this case, I made my first book in the series FREE and the second is 1.99. Then, I told Amazon that someone was selling it cheaper and they matched the prices! It’s only with leverage and competition that we can have our demands met.

Will this new avenue be successful in getting my books in front of readers’ eyeballs and some money in my pocket? I don’t know, but it’s exciting! Wish me luck!  

Illegitimum non carborundum

OR

The struggle to stay positive.

I just published my seventh product, an erotic-comedy novella called sVck. It has dirty words and images and that makes it hard to promote because Amazon and Facebook have a policy against advertising “erotic” works. So getting the word out requires some grass-roots promotions and out-of-the-box thinking.

I found a few newsletters that promote “smut” to thirsty readers, so I’ll wait and see if the one I chose noticeably moves the needle. If so, I’ll reach out to other similar promotions. In the meantime, I tried to enlist friends and family to pre-order my new book with the intention of sparking Amazon’s algorithms into featuring my book on similar searches. Amazon is smart. First, it shows what other people have already bought. It’s their way of putting the most popular stuff by the front door. Sales begets sales.

Herein lies the bump in the road and the potential downer. Most of my Facebook friends don’t seem to care about my writing career. That said, there are any number of reasons why posting on one’s personal Facebook page might not reach every one (or even a significant percentage) of one’s social media friends. If you’re me, the endless cycle of pet pictures and political commentary have whittled your “followers” down to a devoted half-dozen. So, when I need to reach the masses, Facebook decides who is most likely to “like” what I am saying and doesn’t show it to anyone else. That’s what I hope has happened.

The alternative is that no one really cares that I’m a writer. I’m not one of those writers who knows his target audience and writes what they want to read. I write the things that will entertain me through the drafts, the re-writes, the edits, paying and supervising cover artists, and the eventual self-promotion, and I pray to god that someone wants to read what I’ve written.

It’s not the best business plan.

Maybe my friends and family don’t have the money to spend on my books. I get that. Times are tough and everything is more expensive, so shelling out 3 or 7 bucks for a book they aren’t going to read is a big ask. 

“We didn’t know you had a book out.” As I said, I don’t have a lot of followers, so it’s very likely that they didn’t even see my post begging them to buy my book. I took to DMing a dozen close friends I thought might react to a personal invitation. Some of them responded with screenshots of their orders or declarations that they had placed an order (or two). But what about the ones who didn’t respond?

I know some people are jealous. Not jealous like they spend all day shaking their fists and vowing revenge like some overacting soap opera character. More likely, they don’t see my efforts to be a writer as worthwhile and that writing isn’t a “real job.” I have a friend who says she wants to be a writer and envies me for the time I have to put into writing. I know because that’s what she says every time I tell her that I have a new publication. Not, “congratulations” or “I can’t wait to read it.” Just, “Must be nice…” I’ll spend another post ranting about “finding the time” to write. 

I can hear the band is playing me off, so I’ll wrap it up. I am lucky to do what I do and I know that writing isn’t a “real job.” Of course, it isn’t easy and requires no less devotion and expertise, but there is a sense of freedom being able to spend all day at home creating fantasy worlds. But it’s also scary as hell if you’re depending on those fantasy worlds to pay your mortgage.

In conclusion, appreciate the ones who support you, and cut some slack for those who haven’t yet; there are many reasons that your friends aren’t excited when you put out a new book (or record, or piece of art, or poem, or photograph, or have a baby) because maybe they’re jealous.

Or maybe they have other stuff on their mind. 

LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX

LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX

Sex can be a four-letter word.

I’m new to writing in the world of erotica and kinda new to the world of writing. I haven’t been particularly successful with my other books, meaning I haven’t made a ton of money. So I thought I’d dip my toes (and the rest of me) into the world of erotic fiction. I had a fun hook and a writing partner (my life partner who added the female perspective to the story). We wrote it, and yada, yada, yada, it’s ready for publication.

The elevator pitch is as follows: “Young Savannah is a new vampire, but she doesn’t want to drink blood. What can she do? A girl’s gotta eat.”

“Wait. What does she eat?”

“Wink.”

“Ohhhhhhh.”

You get it.

First, we have to list the novella for sale with all the vendors who sell e-books. This is a new path for me because up until now, I’ve been exclusive with Amazon to get some of that sweet Kindle Unlimited money everyone is talking about. As a publisher, you don’t have to click yes on the KU option, but if you do, you make your book “free” for KU subscribers (but unavailable anywhere else), and you get paid for every page they read. It’s about one penny for every three pages read. Thus I make about a dollar if someone reads my entire book instead of buying it for five (I would make about 3.50). It’s a great deal if you’re one of those writers with thousands of page reads a day. But if you have to spend two dollars to make one, it’s not that great.

But I digress. Category is one of the most complex parts of publishing. What category you choose determines what shelf your book is placed on in the digital bookstore. (See some of my past posts for my lamentation on the subject of categories and their subsequent abuse). I’ve heard from other experts on the topic of romance v. erotica. In short, I’ve heard that romance readers expect, nay demand, the HEA or HFN (happy ever after & happy for now). Don’t put it in “romance” if there isn’t a happy ending, i.e.; two people end up together. Not the massage “happy ending.”

But my book has a lot of descriptive sex scenes, and no two characters end up together, so it’s not romance? Right?

It might be romantic, but don’t put it in romance unless you want ‘category nazis’ to give you a bad review.

So, I guess I’ll put it in erotica.

OOOH, don’t do that! No one will find it.

Sigh.

Each platform (amazon, b&n, et al.) has different methods to list your book, including categories. I decided to risk it and put it in both romance and erotic (where the option is available), confident that the Warning on page one will turn off those who don’t want to be turned on. Since every platform has a free preview, I’m not worried that many people will make it past the warning and then demand a refund and post a negative review. Not too worried…

This is the ‘parental advisory.’ Warning, bad words ahead!

This book is intended for mature readers with a sense of humor! If you’re offended by descriptions of sex, heaving bosoms, college girls, penises, engorged genitalia, college boys, anal sex, spunk, clitorises, breasts, blood, cumming, sex, pussies, cunnilingus, boobies, blowjobs, vaginas, tits, asses, love, S & M, gay stuff, moisture, vampires, cum, jizz, wads, semen, and the C-word, please put the book down now and have a glass of wine. Do us all a favor and have a couple.

Now comes the part where we try to drum up presales before the book release. I have some experience, but not success advertising on Amazon and Facebook. Here’s the deal— Facebook and Amazon won’t let you advertise explicit stuff on their platform. What’s “explicit”? You might think it means you can’t show nudity or sexual situations, but their policy is that you can’t advertise sexually explicit material even if the ad isn’t sexually explicit.

In the days of My Space, I had a girlfriend who didn’t use MySpace because “Facebook was cleaner.” She didn’t really explore Facebook, or maybe she missed the dirty stuff because they weren’t allowed to advertise. There are some borderline groups and people promoting their smut that is way more explicit than a few dirty words.

Maybe the romance experts are right. Maybe erotica is a death sentence.

But we wrote a good book that will appeal to some readers, but how the heck do we let people know we’re out there, ready and willing? I’m told that grassroots campaigns are the answer! Get a blog and blog every day. Hmmm. Information that would have been useful yesterday! Well, months ago, at least.

What will we do to promote our project since we can’t promote smut via Amazon, Goodreads, Bookbub, Twitter, or Facebook? Whizzbuzz books is a service that will promote any book for a year for $49, so maybe I’ll try them. I’m sure there are others. 

I hope we can get some people to follow us into the dungeon.

sVck is available for preorder on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, and wherever you buy your ebook. It will be available in print, too, on April 1st.